Jenni’s Big Little Notes S2E4 She Knows

Madeline at Trivia Night, just after Perry has fallen. She says something, it’s done in an echo-whisper sort of thing and, even with the captions on – there was no caption for this, I believe she said, “What have I done?” Celeste in Bonnie’s face, again with the effect added, “I pushed him.” The women argue, no discernible words. Then, per the captions, Madeleine says, “You didn’t push him. And you didn’t push him.” Then someone, we can’t see who, says, “Nobody did.” A scream… Then Madeline awakens. 

The kids, carving pumpkins at Madeline’s house. They discuss how the pumpkins should be carved, gross, scary, etc. Max turns his towards the other kids saying that it’s done. The pumpkin has a large knife stuck into it with red marker colored around the “wound” like blood. Amabella says that it’s disgusting. Celeste tells him he can’t leave it like that. Chloe informs him that “some gang member could steal it and use it to stab a person in the heart.” Bonnie gives her the wise words that there are no gangs in Monterey. 

Madeline and Renata are on the deck, where M smokes while R tells her about Amabella’s bday party plans. M coughs and when R asks her what she’s doing, she says she’s smoking, even though she hates smoking, she’s doing it to manage her stress. Jane joins them, asks M about how things are, how she’s doing, what’s up with Ed. M says she really doesn’t know, and that everything feels “so fucked” right now, not just with Ed. Jane agrees that it’s a lot. R states that it’s “weird.” Jane asks when Amabella’s party is. R says that it’s at 2 because they have BK court in the morning. Jane says she doesn’t know how R is even still with Gordon. R says “I don’t know. Fuck. We stay.” Jane tells her that “You don’t HAVE to.” R replies, “But we do. They betray us and we stay… You know. They lie, they cheat on us, and we…” M looks at her. “You know you said that out loud.” The doorbell rings. R continues to talk to Jane and ends with, “Tell me to stop talking please. All the time.”

Mary-Louise at the door. That lady sure has some nerve. She tells Madeline that the boys told her they were having a pumpkin carving party and that it sounded like so much fun. She tries to back-pedal saying that “if it’s any imposition…” M, being the Monterey wife that she is, of course, invites her in. ML makes a big to-do over hugging the twins, saying, “I see TWO handome grandsons. Somehow I thought there would be three.” The twins quickly point to Ziggy. ML approaches Z, saying that his pumpkin is “intriguing.” Z tells her that it’s “shocked.” Madeline says, “I think we’re ALL a little shocked.” M introduces ML to Bonnie. ML says she doesn’t remember having met her before, and that she would certainly remember, as she’s so beautiful. ML tells Jane that she got a unit in her building. She says that she can help out, keep the boys for overnights so that she can “have a life.” Ziggy asks if he can come too. ML says that of course he can, “all my grandchildren.” Celeste calls ML away for a word. Bonnie looks at ML strangely, ML returns a similar look, scratching her head. 

Celeste tries to make ML understand that moving into Jane’s building is a bad idea, that she’s overstepping boundaries. ML snidely asks where she would have her go, “Canada?” C tells her that this is becoming perverse. That ML is “moving in with (her) son’s rape victim.” ML makes excuses, saying she’s not moving in with her, that they’re just in the same building complex “and by the way, I’m not as convinced as you are, perhaps, that she was a rape victim. Why was he even with her that night? What was he looking for? Or perhaps seeking refuge from? How many other women did he go to? If there’s one… there are others.” Celeste slaps ML, knocking her glasses off her face. C immediately apologizes. As Celeste tries to help with ML’s glasses, she says “No, no, no, no, no… (moving away) What shall we call that? (silence) Foreplay?” OMG Shit just got even more real. One of the twins (josh per the captions) calls out for ML, she says “oh dear” and walks away. Celeste continues to stand there looking stunned. 

The ocean at sunset. Madeline in her kitchen, turning the faucet off (the transition from the wave sound to the faucet sound was pretty seamless). Ed enters and asks her, “what’s all this,” in reference to the items remaining from the pumpkin party. M tells him that it was for the “pumpkin carving project” that the school had assigned for the week, even though apparently it isn’t the end of October yet. She says, “I swear everyone in this town is obsessed with first and better and most.” M complains about Amabella’s party happening that weekend, even though it’s not her bday. M asks Ed why he’s staring. He says, “You know, there’s never any middle ground with you? Like, when you’re upset, it’s charge, full speed ahead. If there’s a problem, charge. If there was a problem with us, where was the… charge? Why couldn’t you come straight at me, like you go at everyone else?” M tells him that the problem wasn’t with them, but with her. Ed walks away.

Bonnie on the beach, watching the waves roll in. Remembering. The day they took all the kids to the beach after Trivia Night. ML scratching her head as she walked away at M’s house. She takes a hit of the probable joint.

Jane and Corey, coming in from surfing, she’s telling him about the disco-themed bday party for Amabella. 

Mary-Louise at the outdoor cafe, Celeste joins her. ML tells C that she’s worried about the boys. “Because… You seem unwell. Erratic.” C, “I’m fine.” ML, “You hit me.” C, “And I apologized for that…” ML, “You snapped. (Silence) It’s meant to be shared, you know. Grief. It’s… Insurmountable. Too difficult a battle to be waged alone.” C, “Which is what YOU had to do. You were alone… After the accident, your husband left. Perry told me.” ML, “Yes, he… blamed me. And he left. And I deserved the blame. To be left. You know Ray… Made a new life. He… Got a new family. He became a devoted father, so I’m told. It’s… It’s good. People can move on after tragedy, just not together sometimes.”

Madeline and Ed on the deck. She asks him about going to Big Sur for a couples workshop. Ed doesn’t respond. Chloe asks M to look over her project. They are supposed to show opposites. She presents a boards with a picture of a door and a picture of M. M doesn’t catch on. Chloe tells her, “The door is hinged.” OUCH! BURN! M asks her if she thinks that’s funny. Chloe ultimately agrees to change it. Ed is amused. M asks him if the new party line in the house is that she’s unhinged. Ed says, “Pretty much.”

Renata and Gordon arrive at BK court. She mutters about why is it even necessary. Their attorney admonishes her to not mention the upcoming party for Amabella while they’re in court. Renata is shocked by what happens in court. When the trustee asks her about the $4200 charge, R states that it’s medical. When he asks if it was submitted to insurance, she says no. She eventually reveals that it was botox (or the like) for her forehead, “from dealing with men like you all my life. Okay?” He states that it won’t be allowed any longer. He points out the listing of jewelry doesn’t include Gordon’s Rolex or Renata’s wedding ring and demands they be forfeited at that time. When he asks G about their car, it seems that was also subject to forfeiture, as they are riding in what appears to be an Uber on their way home from court. R tells G that he will one day pay for this, but today is not that day, because it’s Amabella’s day.

Amabella’s party. Bonnie, her mom Elizabeth, Skye, and Nathan arrive. Reanata makes over them, Bonnie is impressed with the band playing. Jane, Corey, and Ziggy (Stardust) arrive. Renata tells Gordon to get Corey some champagne. Renata and Bonnie gush to Jane about how cute Corey is, that she needs to “get ON that.” Jane tells them they need to be cool. R says that she’s never cool, but she will try, for Jane. 

Celeste swigs her champagne. Madeline is talking about going to the retreat with Ed. Bonnie walks up, interrupting, and asks C what ML knows, stating that ML gave her a very strange look the day before (at the pumpin party). C says that, if anything, ML is suspicious of *her*. M asks C if it doesn’t bother her, all the suspicion. Celeste says that it DOES bother her, and if she had it to do over again, she “wouldn’t lie. I wouldn’t go along with the lie.” Bonnie agrees. M says, “Hold on a second. What are you trying to say?” C, “You were the on that said that he slipped, that he fell, and, I mean… We went along with it.” M, “Are you blaming ME???” C, “I blame myself, alright? It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I was numb. I wasn’t thinking straight. And let’s face it, this fucking lie… Has had quite a shelf life.” Bonnie agrees. M says, “Wow. So you’re all talking about me behind my back. You’re blaming me” C & B, “No, no…” M, “That’s rich. That’s really rich.” C, “No, we’re not blaming you behind your back. Madeline.” Bonnie, “We’re right here. It’s to your face.” Ummmm…. Wow.

(How Deep is Your Love playing softly.) Renata watches Amabella dancing with what appears to be one of the twins. Gordon approaches R. R ruminates on that they will probably never be able to give A anything like this again, ever.  Gordon states that he knows he’s fucked up, but asks R if she’s ever be able to forgive him, eventually. R tells G that it isn’t about him, that it’s her fault, it’s about all the dreams she planned for as she climbed her way up from the poverty of her past. That she had completely planned out all the things she would do for and provide for her child. That all her hopes and plans for A have gone to shit and that it’s her own fault because she “married a man who would take her life and all her accomplishments and just turn them to shit. That— That’s on me. Right? My choices. My stupidity. It’s my picker that’s broken. My fucking bad.” 

Jane and Corey dancing (same song as above still), having a good time, laughing. Jane leans in. She closes her eyes, inhales, flashes back to the night of the rape. Perry’s shoes on the floor. She opens her eyes, looking much less happy.

(Lucky by Donna Summer playing.) Bonnie and her mom, Elizabeth, dance. E tells B that she saw her, earlier, with her friends, that something is wrong. Bonnie looks annoyed. E says that she doesn’t like the energy in the house, that it’s not the party, but something deeper, and that she also doesn’t like the energy around B. B tells her that it’s just her weird imagination. E disagrees. They dance, swaying, E holds B’s head on both sides, dancing at first, but then it turns into a more concentrated look and hold on B’s head. B sees it for what it is immediately and steps away from her mom, saying simply, “No.” 

Madeline asks Ed to dance. He hesitates, then says no. She asks if he wants to think about it. He says, “I would love to dance with you, Madeline, but maybe sometime when we’re not doing a dog and pony show in front of all of Monterey. I’m sick of all of the pretending and…” Madeline asks what he means about pretending, he asks if she’s kidding, points out that the whole party is playing pretend, “You, me, us, everything.” Madeline walks away. Nathan approaches Ed, feigning sympathy, they nearly come to blows. Renata separates them. 

(Disco Inferno plays) Bonnie and Ed dance. Madeline sees them. Nathan looks odd. Corey looks for Jane, finds her on the patio. She tells him that she had told him a little about what happened, he says she doesn’t have to tell him, she says she wants to. She tells him that she was raped, violently, by a man who she thought was gentle and caring, and that’s how she got Ziggy.

Renata saying goodbyes, passing out goody bags. She tells Elizabeth that she was amazing on the dance floor. R tells Bonnie she’s so glad they came. Elizabeth gets an odd look on her face. (Flash to a field of blue with a white dot.) Bonnie and Renata both ask E if she’s alright, B tries to get her attention. R asks what’s wrong with her. B calls her by her first name, trying to get her attention. E falls to the floor. Bonnie is frantic. Elizabeth is on the floor seizing, Bonnie is screaming, “Oh my God, Mom!” over and over. Renata yells for someone to call 911. Elizabeth foams at the mouth. (Black screen. Water, submerged, looking up through the water from underneath. Blue and dark. Flash of white. Flash of white.) Elizabeth in the hospital, unconscious. The doctor tells Bonnie that she’s had a stroke, which most likely caused the seizure. That they’re going to do surgery to clean out her carotid artery.

Mary-Louise, in a meeting with an attorney. He gives her a list of attorneys to call, basically so that those attorneys won’t be able to work with Celeste because it will be a conflict if they’ve spoken to ML first. He asks her if she’s really sure she wants to proceed.

ML at the attorney. He tells her she doesn’t need to read it now, but that the papers will be filed the next day, to read them at home. He points out to her that she will be alienated from the boys once the paperwork is filed. That while she may win custody, that doesn’t mean the affection will be there. She says “This isn’t about me *needing* to be liked.”

Madeline and Ed arrive home. M says that she thought Elizabeth was going to die, that it really makes you take stock of things. Ed asks if she’s ok. She says no, far from it. She tells him that if he’s going to leave, could he just go ahead and do it, just get it over with. He points out that he’s still there. She tells him that he’s far from there. Ed looks confused.

Jane and Celeste having drinks. Jane tells C about the weird feeling she had while dancing with Corey. She asks C if she ever had that happen, if Perry ever raped her. Celeste tells her no, after they were interrupted by the bartender. Jane decides to leave. C tells her that the twins are with ML and if Jane should hear from ML, to let her know where she can find her. C stays for another drink.

Bonnie remembering the way she pulled from her mom when she had grabbed her face while dancing. Flashing to an older memory, of being a child, her mom having her by the amrs with an intensely hateful expression on her face, shaking little Bonnie. Bonnie’s dad, Martin, arrives to the hospital. He asks for an update, which she provides. He sits down and asks her, “Did you say something to her? Before the incident, did you say something?” B, “You mean, did I cause this?” Martin, “I didn’t mean that.” B, “Yeah, you did.” M,”It’s just that you know how easily upset she gets.” B, “I didn’t cause her fucking stroke.” M, “Calm down. What if she can hear you?” Bonnie leaves. 

Mary-Louise with the twins at the pizza place, reminiscing on how Perry had fun with pizza. ML tells them that their dad will live on through them, in their hearts.

Renata washing her hands, removing a ring, remembering having to turn in her wedding ring at court.

Madeline and Ed in bed, she tries to cuddle and initiate intimacy. He’s having none of it. M remembers her time with Joseph.

Bonnie getting coffee at the hospital. She sees Quinlan there and confronts her. Jane arrives and walks away with Bonnie, telling her that Quinlan is there for something else, a DUI.

Mary-Louise arrives at Celeste’s house with the boys in tow. (I went back and rewatched the first scene of episode 2, where Celeste was sleep-driving on Ambien and was visualizing the sex scene. You were most definitely right, the guy did have a large tattoo on his back, so for-sure not Perry. I don’t think this was from her far-off past any longer, I think she had sex with him while on the Ambien (one of those side effects I mentioned when we initially talked about the scene). I think that’s exactly what happened in this scene from this episode as well.) ML says that she tried to take the boys to church, but that Max said God was a douchebag. She then looks at Celeste, asking if she’s alright. C says that she’s fine, that she just didn’t sleep well the night before. The boys hug C and tell her about their pizza from the night before. C looks and sounds like she’s half-stoned. The boys continue on, saying they saw Ziggy that morning, since he lives in “Grandma’s building.” ML looks at C some more, asks her again what’s wrong. C says she doesn’t know, that she thinks maybe she’s coming down with something. Josh tells her she looks funny. ML touches her forehead and cheeks, stating that there’s no fever. We see a tall thin man in the background, apparently the bedroom. He walks out of the bedroom and says hello. Celeste, even in her drugged state, looks mildly mortified. The boys look confused. ML asks, “And who do we have with us today?” Joe introduces himself, apologizes, and leaves. 

Celeste gets in the shower. She remembers having sex with Joe, then Perry in the mirror, then sex with Joe again. Madeline and Celeste talking about it. C admits that she took the Ambien again. Madeline tells her that she’s allowed to have a personal life, that ML shouldn’t just show up without calling first to let her know she was bringing the boys back. ML interrupts them when she walks in. She tells C that she dropped the boys off with Jane so that they can talk. Madeline takes her cue and leaves. ML tells C that she needs to take some time to heal and that while she does that, she thinks that the boys should live with her. C tells her no, it’s not necessary. ML tells her that it IS necessary. ML tells her that she’s a mess and that she needs to take time to get herself together and that basically she wants what’s best for “our boys.” C tells her emphatically, “MY boys will not be going to live with you.” ML states that the boys are at risk under Celeste’s care and that, being their grandmother, she “will not forsake them.” Celeste tells her to get out. ML says, “Well we can calmly…” C interrupts, “No, no.” ML, “Celeste” C, “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.” ML hands her the petition for assignment of custody of the persons. Celeste backs away like ML has a venomous snake in her hand. 

Renata and Madeline talk about what happened with ML and Celeste. Quinlan approaches, mentions M’s meltdown at the school, saying she wishes she had seen it. M tells her it’s probably online somewhere, people are always recording things on their iPhones.

Jane walks up to ML’s door and asks to have a conversation. Jane says “I’m just a little bit curious about what you’re doing and if you plan to take my kid next.” ML tells her she’s a wonderful mother. Jane says so is Celeste. ML says she has concerns about C, about her mental health. She mentions the medications that C has in her home. Then she asks Jane if she ever lets C drive with Ziggy in the car.

Celeste with Dr. Amanda. Dr tells her she can trust her. C points out that she really can’t trust anyone. That she trusted ML and look where that got her. 

Bonnie at the hospital. Her dad is sleeping in the other chair. Elizabeth groans. Bonnie tells her hi. Elizabeth continues to make sounds. Blueness with two white dots. Bonnie, a bit more frantically, talks to her mom. Waves of the ocean rolling in. Bonnie, out of focus, “mama” as Elizabeth opens her eyes. Elizabeth gazes upward and she sees Bonnie, in the water… Her eyes go wide, then another view of Bonnie in the water. Possibly drowning? Flash of water. Credits.